I cut my hair.

Big deal, right? Just stick with me for a bit- it’ll be worth it. I swear.

Since then, I haven’t had a “real” haircut. I’d cut out the occasional knot or two, trim off some split ends, or clip something that was sticking out and go on about my day.

My solution to dealing with all that hair? Braids. As long as I can remember, I’ve  worn hair in braids every single day. It was a rare to see me without them. Somewhere along the way, they became less of a hairstyle and more of a part of who I was.

That is, until five days ago.

I got up, brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror, and decided it was time. After finding a salon that advertised “Curly girls are our specialty!”, I called to make an appointment. Their first opening was two weeks away, so I countered with “two weeks was entirely too much time to reconsider a questionable life decision.”

Apparently, impulsive hair decisions are also their specialty, because the next day, I walked out of the salon feeling about 16” lighter.

Here is where things get good…

Later that day, I picked up my bonus teenager (Nathan’s best friend) from school. After hours together, he didn’t noticed the missing braids. His older brother came over to pick him up and stayed for dinner. He didn’t notice either. The following day brought a fresh batch of bonus college-aged kids who wandered in and made themselves at home. Still nothing. Crickets.

Nearly a foot and a half of purple braided hair – gone. No one noticed. You might be thinking that they were just being polite. But think again. Teenagers. Me. Politeness is not in their… ummmm… our repertoire.

It was then that I realized.

All these kids didn’t notice, not because they weren’t looking at me, but because they were looking at me. Their “mom goggles” don’t see my extra 30(ish) pounds, my wrinkles, my cellulite, my mastectomy-scarred body, or any of my other insecurities. All they see is someone who always has an open door, with food, safety, and dogs (always dogs).

And that is a good thing. Actually, that is a great thing.

It’s been over a year since I lost Nathan. My Nathan. But he knew what he was doing by bringing all these extras, these bonuses into my life. I don’t think they realize how much I need them, just as much as they need me.

Just in case you’re curious.